don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
