One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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