I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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