i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
