Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I'm like, not good at living.
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