the new term for farting is butt boxing.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
this hospital has no fireball
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
