apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
