So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
