He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
