all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
