Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
