his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
