haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
i think i just lost a toe
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
