Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
