I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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