I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
