Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
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