we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
