Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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