there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
