I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
