god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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