I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize