Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
