after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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