I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
