Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
