its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
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