i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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