Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
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Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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