Everything about him screamed your future.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
