As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
