Is it normal to miss your booty call?
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
