I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
