I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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