Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
