Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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