she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
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