Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
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