All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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