just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Is it because I queefed?
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Randomize
