why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
