dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Randomize
