She's JV to your varsity
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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