I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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