I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
