I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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