Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
