so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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