So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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