i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
i just google imaged poop.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
