if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
