My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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