My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
