Are we in a gay sports bar?
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
