I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
