How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
