I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
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