I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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