seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
