Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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