he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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