What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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