I skipped work to stalk him.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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