Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
