You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Randomize
