meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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