Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Randomize
